Welcome to the Men's Night 2010 Season

So Long and Thanks for the Mammaries

Oct 14, 2010 | Posted by Pamela Anderson

Oh, hi Beverly guys. First of all, I have to apologize for not making it to your Closing Night on Wednesday. My sweetie, Mark Cunningham asked me to make an appearance on your last night of the year to "spice things up", as he said. I feel really bad because Mark was so nice to me at that Golf Merchandise Show down in Florida last year when he rescued me from that creepy guy he called "Jock". Geez, that weirdo was ALL over me while I was manning the LoudMouth booth and Mark stepped right in and put him in head lock. So during the winter, we kept in touch and I promised to make it up to him but he said his wife wouldn't understand so would I just come out to your Men's Night closing? I was all ready to come (tee-hee!) but Kid Rock slipped on a wet thong in Miami last week, got his hair caught in one of the fan blades onstage and needed emergency scalp surgery so I had to nurse him back to health. Sorry but some things are just more important in life. Anyways, I told Mark I would send a note to you all and let you know I'm thinking about you.

It sounds like you guys had a blast even though I wasn't there. That Shoot-Out thing must have been fun with all 40 of you hitting shots at the same time. It makes me think of the first music video I ever shot and that awesome director who had me standing in the middle of a street while all those hunky firefighters sprayed me with their hoses! Funny thing was, that group never made it anywhere so the video didn't get on MTV. Must have been a ratings thing, I guess. Anyways, I'm supposed to congratulate Gary Smith and Gord Dowbiggin for winning the event by making a par on Hole # 14. Way to go boys! You'll be getting an autographed 8 x 11 glossy of Yours Truly in her birthday suit and an invitation to visit me at the Mansion with Hef. In second place was Ron Vender and Eman Ali (pictures for you too!) and third place was a tie between Wayne Scheurer, Lee Burtenshaw, Paul Burton and Ed Vivolo (big wet kisses for you!)

As many of you know, I do a lot of work for PETA and when Mark told me that you guys were supposed to having a Prime Rib dinner afterwards, I had to scold him for suggesting I would actually be present while a bunch of men gorged themselves on a poor helpless creature that was once alive. But he quickly agreed to change the menu to vegetarian so I hope you enjoyed your tofu steaks with salad and potatoes. I was looking forward to helping hand out all those great prizes that Mark and his friend Barney Hanna organized but you'll just have to imagine me kissing you (or a face wash if you prefer!) when you received your prize. I hope that helps make up for my absence!

Well guys, I have to sign off now but I'm hoping that next year I can come up and see my fellow Canadians at Beverly Golf Club. In the meantime, have a cozy winter in the cold and stay warm!

That's all for this year. The Men's Night Committee and the Pro Shop staff hope everybody enjoyed themselves this year and has a safe and warm winter. Don't forget that our Teaching Pro's are available for lessons so that you don't suck so badly again next year. See you in March!

P.S. Mark Cunningham wanted to emphasize to everyone that all those photos he recently received on his cell phone were deleted immediately after showing them to Bernie.

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Decision 2010

Oct 10, 2010 | Posted by CHCH News

We now join coverage of CHCH's "Decision 2010", already in progress:

Bob Cowan: (fade in)...and it looks like those pornographic web site charges have finally sunk Cam Jackson's re-election hopes in Burlington. I guess his legacy will always be a half-finished pier and "HotAsianTranssexuals.com".

Donna Skelly: Well, Bob, it seems like you really did your research on that story! Let's go over to Nick Dixon with the hotly contested Beverly riding. What's going on there Nick?

Nick Dixon: Thanks Donna. It was anybody's race here at the Bev with 3 or 4 candidates going back and forth in the lead. Going into the final hours, Jeff Fox looked to be leading with Vince Cosentino close behind. But as the results started coming in, we started to see some dramatic shifts in the numbers as a couple of dark horses surged into the mix. But, uh, just a moment...yes...we can now project Dave McLachlan as the winner! CHCH Central now projects Dave Mc...

Donna Skelly: Uh, Nick, it's over. He's already won, you dolt!

Nick Dixon: What? Well, who's the idiot sending me this stuff?

Bubba O'Neil: Ah, that would be me you little pencil-necked geek! You got a problem with that?

Nick Dixon: Uhhhh, geez Bubba. No. No problemo, big guy. Keep up the good work. Um, OK. Let's go over to Mark Hebscher with some analysis. Mark?

Mark Hebscher: Well Nick, this is exactly as I predicted it would happen except that somebody else won. Back to you Nick.

Nick Dixon: Gee, great work there Mark. By the way, you should never have left "Sportsline", you putz. OK, we're going over to..ummm...Lori DeAngelis? What?

Lori DeAngelis: Can I just say how happy I am to he here?

Nick Dixon: No, you can't! Man, how does someone that homely get on TV?

Bob Cowan: Take it from me Nick, if you sleep with the right people, you can get any gig you want on this network!

Donna Skelly: Oh, I don't know about that Bob. I think it was your hard-hitting expose of "Horny Stoney Creek Housewives" that got you this gig.

Nick Dixon: Alright, alright you guys. Let's go to Leslie Stewart at Dave McLachlan Headquarters where it sounds like a lot of celebrating going on. Leslie?

Leslie Stewart: Thanks Nick. I don't know if you can hear me. There's a lot of shouting and hollering down here. I'm trying to get Dave McClachlan over to talk to us. Dave? Dave? Wow, I don't think I've ever seen anybody chug a whole bottle of champagne before!

Dave McClachlan: Whoo baby! What a rush! Okay, I think I've gotta really belch now. Brrrrrrrapppppp! That's better. Hey, Leslie. Wow, you're even better looking in person than on TV, y'know? Can I kiss you?

Leslie Stewart: Uh, no, I don't think that would be a good idea. My husband could snap you in two and you seem like a nice guy so ixnay with the isskay. So, tell us, what would you say was the key to your victory?

Dave McLachlan: Well Leslie, I put together a great team and they've been awesome. I mean, Tunes was a stud all year. Al Dawson totally sandbagged. Jamie Dodds was amazing. Gene Tatti, Johnny St. Cyr, Mark Sexton, Colin Lyons, Jason Urban, Dave Omerod, I mean everbody contributed. Me? I sucked mostly but it didn't matter. These guys picked me up! Y'know, you really are a total babe, you know that?

Leslie Stewart: Thanks, Dave. I never get that from drunk guys. Not! Back to you Nick.

Nick Dixon: Nice interview Leslie. Let's go over to Annette Hamm at the runners-up Terry Koshylanyk Headquarters. Annette?

Annette Hamm: Uh, well, ummm...Nick. We can't seem to find Terry. We've been told that he had to go flying so I'm afraid we can't get any comments here. Oh wait, here's Bernie Hanna! Bernie, can you give us a few words about...oh, my...that's the biggest cigar I've ever seen. It is a cigar, isn't it? Isn't it? Ummm...we'd better go back to you in the studio...

Lori DeAngelis: Can I just say that this is way better than doing remote spots?

Nick Dixon: No, you can't. OK, I think we've got Matt Hayes with Vince Cosentino who finished in third place.

Matt Hayes: Thanks Nick. Vince, it looked like you had this all wrapped up. What happened?

Vince Cosentino: Well, Matt...we didn't have anything wrapped up, you nimrod. If you had done any research at all instead of feeling up Sunni every morning, you'd know that we got more money than anybody else but we were a longshot to win it all. I'm really proud of my team 'cause they showed up and worked hard.

Matt Hayes: Oh, yeah...now that you mention it, I guess you're right. Sorry Vince. You're not gonna hurt me are you 'cause you're looking pretty pissed off right now.

Vince Cosentino: Nahhhh, I'm just messin' with ya. But you really are a weenie Matt. Stick to the weather, pal. Anyways, I just want to know why they didn't send Leslie Stewart to interview me!

Nick Dixon: Well, Donna, that's the story from Beverly. Dave McClachlan is the winner with Terry Koshylanyk in second and Vince Cosentino in third.

Donna Skelley: OK, Nick. Thanks. Let's go to the Hamilton mayoral race where I think Bob Bratina has just declared himself King of The World? Huh?...(fade out)

That concludes the 2010 regular season and playoffs. Congrats to the winners. You'll receive your prizes at the MWL closing dinner next Wednesday. Be sure to sign up for the Swatfest immediately preceeding the festivities. The format will be two-man elimination play on the back nine. Pairs will be posted Wednesday morning. The beverage cart will also be making the rounds for your imbibing pleasure. An excellent prize table will on display at the dinner which will feature a number of draw prizes. If you're unable to make it, a member of the MWL committee will pick up your prize if your name is drawn.

Thanks for all the positive comments on the blog this season. We hope you've enjoyed logging on and reading each week. See you next year!

The Blogging Team

Add a comment | 1 Comment | Read all Comments

Posted by: We're not worthy | Oct 14, 2010 04:30 PM

great work as always boys. The blog was always good but I think you've raised it up a notch. I'm sure it's a lot of work but I can tell you the boys appreciate it. I often here guys talking about it during the week. Let's hope you decided to come back next year. Thanks.

Cross Country Hiccup

Oct 4, 2010 | Posted by Rex Murphy

Radio WBEV is on the air. We now join Cross-Country Checkup with host Rex Murphy:

Rex Murphy: Hello again, Canada. This is Cross Country Checkup with Rex Marphy, the CBC''s token Newfoundlander. That's royt. They couldn't find anybody else outside of Quebec to host this show who's as difficult to understand as me. Which begs the question: is it because nobody actually listens to this program any more or is it that I'm so utterly homely that it gives them an excuse to keep me off The National? Well, who knows? But for the next three hours, you're stook listening to me with my nearly incomprehensible accent and mind-boggling verbiage.

This week, we welcome CPGA Golf Pro Mark Cunningham. Mark is the head pro at Beverly Golf & Country Club in Copetown, Ontario and he's here to answer your calls regarding the absolutely mindless rules of golf, a game so absurd in its minutae that we have to devote a whole Sunday afternoon to encompass its entirety. I, myself prefer hockey and the thrill of tending goal for the CBC's industrial team. The camraderie and competition is unrivaled but I jost wish they would let me take off my mask when we go for a lager after the game. Drinking with a straw through the tiny perforations in the contraption is...huh? The topic? Oh, of course, I digress once more.

Wall Mark. Why don't you tell us a little about yourself and your place of employment?

Mark Cunningham: Thanks for having me Rex. Beverly is a private club just outside of Hamilton and we're just finishing up a very successful 53rd year. We've finished all our Club events except for our Men's Wednesday League which is now in playoffs.

Rex Murphy: Playoffs? I've never heard of playoffs in golf! In are playoffs last year, I took a slapshot from David Suzuki right in the jewels and I've been walking awkwardly for months now. I never liked that little tree-hoggin' prima donna anyways. It's always green-this and green-that and...oh, yes, sorry, I've digressed again, haven't I? So, Mark, why don't you tell us about this little Men's Night playoffs you have goin'?

Mark Cunningham: Sure Rex. Going into the last week of playoffs, Team 7 has a 10 point lead over Team 2 and Team 3 is a ways back in third. But because the points increase each week, there's still a lot of room in the standings for somebody to make a big move. Last week, Team 7 won 125 points for lowest score to put them in the lead and Team 3 was second, getting 113 points. Team 6 took 100 points for third place and Team 2 finished right behind to get 88 points.

Rex Murphy: Well, Mark, that's truly riveting. I'm still trying to catch my breath. Anything else you want to amaze us with?

Mark Cunningham: Ah, as a matter of fact, we also recognize individual winners each week. Rick Trainor tied with Peter Johns for low gross at even par and Ross Murray shot a 31 for low net. We also had a Closest to the Pin winner for Hole #4 but I can't remember who it is at the moment.

Rex Murphy: I am completely speechless after all that Mark and that's not easy so why don't we take some calls from listeners about golf ? First up is Ronald V . from Ancaster, Ontario:

Ronald V.: Oh, hi Mark. I've got a question. I recently sliced my tee shot into a hazard and my ball came to rest next to a tree where someone had just urinated. What is the ruling on that? Can I get a drop or do I have to hit it out of the pee?

Mark Cunningham: Well, Ronald, basically, you've literally landed in it and there's nothing you can do. If you're in a hazard, you'd better be wearing a wet suit when you hit the ball because there's no relief available.

Rex Murphy: My Lord, is this what my career has come to? Oh bollocks! Let's just keep moving. OK, we now have G-Note from Flamborough, Ontario? G-Note?

G-Note: Um, hi Rex. Mark, this isn't really a rules question but if I'm playing a Nassau against a mouthy school bus weasel for a hundred bucks, can I still press him after I whack him in the shins with my putter?

Mark Cunningham: Uh, gee, Gino, you should know that you can't press unless you're behind.

Rex Murphy: Oh, my God! Give me strength! Peter Mansbridge warned me not to do radio. Why don't we take another call just so I don't have to come up with something pithy to say. We've got Nardo from Hamilton? What's a Nardo?

Nardo: Hey Mark, what's up?

Mark Cunningham: Not much Nardo. Can you turn down your radio please? Thanks. What's your question?

Nardo: Oh...um...ah...I don't really have a question. I just thought it was cool to be on radio. I mean, I did morning announcements at school one year but this is way cooler. Hey Vivolo, I told you I'd get on! Ha-ha-ha!

Rex Murphy: Is it possible this could get any worse? Oh wait, I think it already has. We've got Otto Lange on the line? Wasn't he a Liberal cabinet Minister?

Otto Lange: Oh, hey...um...I'd like to know if they can make you cut your hair even if you're a Club Champion. I mean, I don't mind having to shave three times a day but it's not my fault that I...

Rex Murphy: Alright, that's it. I'm goin' back to doing audio book narrating. They can't pay me enough for this anymore...

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Coach's Corner

Sep 27, 2010 | Posted by Don Cherry

Due to a lack of any original subject manner from other MWL bloggers, we replay the first period intermission segment of Coach"s Corner with Don Cherry from Saturday night:

Ron McClean: OK, we've got a couple of things to cover but you wanted to show everybody something from the first period?

Don Cherry: Yeah, yeah, I gotta show yaz this kid Gustavsson and somethin' that drives me nuts. First of all, what's with the cage? Ya think a good Canadian kid would wear dat?...

Ron McClean: Well, he is a goalie, Don.

Don Cherry: Uhhh, yeah but uhhh, why do these Swedes have to be such wimps? I mean, look at him! You couldn't get a stick through dat cage even if ya wanted to knock his teeth out and that! And look at the rest o' his equipment...cripes...he looks like he's got a friggin' curtain rod under that jersey! Let's show that picture of Terry Sawchuk. Where is it? C'mon you clowns! Whaddya doin' back there? Quit playin' video games and get that bleepin' thing up there. Geez, these guys make more money than I do and they can't even afford a haircut! OK, there, that's what I'm talkin' about. Look at Terry Sawchuk. That's a real man. He's got a face full of zippers and isn't wearing a scuba diving suit under there like that Guztaff-what's his face!

Ron McClean: OK so your not a Gustaffson fan. You also wanted to show the Canadiens bench last night and how many times they got caught on bad line changes?

Don Cherry: Naaah, nah, nah, none o' dat stuff. Just look at my buddy Kirk Muller from Kingston there with the headset. I mean, is there a better lookin' assistant coach in the league than thay guy? Eh? I'm telling yaz. So, kids, listen to this now. This is important. If you can't cut it on the ice in hockey, you can be a coach and wear sharp clothes like me and my buddy Kirk. Don't dress like Harry Rosen next t' me...go to a real store like Tip Top or Eaton's or...

Ron McClean: Uh, Don, Eaton's went out of business a long time ago and Harry Rosen's is a very classy store.

Don Cherry: Hah! Sez who? Yeah, maybe Mrs. Rosen. And don't gimme that about Eaton's, I still get their catalogue in the mail and that. OK, you're gettin' on my nerves so let's move on. Now I wanna talk about another buddy o' mine I wanna give a big thumbs up to, Kevin Adam. My pal Cubby from Oakville was one of the best lacrosse goalies way back and was a star on Canada's junior team and a real good golfer...

Ron McClean: Uh, Don I don't know if we have enough time for this...

Don Cherry: Aw, clam up. Tell Labatt's to wait. Now, lemme tell ya about Cubby here. Dis guy here played junior hockey in Oakville and Burlington and then went to Germany for a couple o' years so he's seen it all. Just don't ask him to tell ya his birthday 'cause when a cop asked him what it was, he got all nervous and said it was June 16th but it was really the 13th, heh, heh, heh. I'm tellin' ya, he's a beauty!

Ron McClean: OK, but...

Don Cherry: And, get this, his lady friend won't let him drive the boat anymore, either, heh, heh, heh...and he really gets pissed off when people ask him if Dennis is his twin brother, heh, heh, heh, and...

Ron McClean: OK, but what's the point Don? Why Kevin Adam?

Don Cherry: Oh, yeah, right. OK, so Cubby's a captain on his Beverly Men's Night team and they're in the playoffs now and y'know that's when the really tough guys show up. You really find out da guys who'll play with broken bones and torn up knees and I'm tellin' yaz Cubby's a playoff guy! Last week, his guys finished tied for third with my buddy Foxy's Team 7 when all season long they'd been behind. That's what I'm talking about!

Ron McClean: Foxy? Beverly's Men's Night? What?

Don Cherry: Yeah, Numbnuts, Beverly. If you knew anythin', you'd know about the Bev! It's a beauty place! So, right now my buddy Cozzy and his Team 2 leads with 110 points and then my buddy the Pilot's Team 9 got 100 points and then Cubby at 85 points. So, they're in perfect position to win da Cup!

Ron McClean: Cozzy? Pilot? Who are...?

Don Cherry: I'm getting to them. The Pilot had low net all wrapped up-like and dis Hanna guy goes one under him...kinda like you do to me in the Green Room. But he didn't lose low gross, cause he tied with three other guys, Lang, Pearson and Dodds. Hey, dey sound just like the lawyers I used to sue Harry Sinden! Ha-ha-ha, I'm telling yaz, I kill myself sometimes! Kinda like Cheezie does when we're out drinkin'!

Ron McClean: We gotta go. Guys, cut the mike please!

Just a reminder that there are still two weeks of playoffs left so get out and make your captain proud...or something like that. The closing night will be October 13th with the Shootout so mark your calendars. See you Wednesday!

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Beverly Golf & Country Club

Men's Night 2010

So Long and Thanks for the Mammaries

Oct 14, 2010 | Posted by Pamela Anderson

Decision 2010

Oct 10, 2010 | Posted by CHCH News

Posted by: We're not worthy | Oct 14, 2010 04:30 PM

Cross Country Hiccup

Oct 4, 2010 | Posted by Rex Murphy

Coach's Corner

Sep 27, 2010 | Posted by Don Cherry

20/20

Sep 16, 2010 | Posted by ABC News

Know Your Captain, Part 3

Sep 10, 2010 | Posted by The Biography Channel

Know Your Captain, Part 2

Sep 7, 2010 | Posted by The Biography Channel

The Apprentice: Beverly

Aug 30, 2010 | Posted by The Donald

Know Your Captain, Part 1

Aug 22, 2010 | Posted by The Biography Channel

What Happens in Vegas...

Aug 15, 2010 | Posted by Jimmy the Pencil

Sizzling Hot!!!

Aug 5, 2010 | Posted by Mark Volkov

Beverly Hit List

Jul 27, 2010 | Posted by K.C.Playsum

Camp Newsletter

Jul 18, 2010 | Posted by Councillor Bob

View From Down Under

Jul 13, 2010 | Posted by Beelzebul

Survey Says...

Jul 4, 2010 | Posted by Richard Dawson

Draft Beer Night

Jun 28, 2010 | Posted by Jim Nants

Breaking Wind

Jun 19, 2010 | Posted by David Whack 'Em

Mailbag Time

Jun 10, 2010 | Posted by Sleeman Sam

Soaked to the Fore-skin

Jun 3, 2010 | Posted by Stuart Stink

Hotter than Hell or I Should've Brought Two Pairs of Underwear!

May 31, 2010 | Posted by Dave DeVol

Survivor: Beverly - Week 1

May 24, 2010 | Posted by Nick Foldo

Holy Crap! Who is this guy and how did he end up on my team?

May 17, 2010 | Posted by Frankie Foot-Wedge

The Lion Roars!

Apr 16, 2010 | Posted by John Daly and the MWL Bloggers

It's Baaaaack!

Apr 3, 2010 | Posted by The Men's Night Bloggers