In response to numerous requests, we're proud to introduce a new feature to the MWL website, “Dear Golf Pig” in which our resident Answer Man attempts to respond to your queries on golf, life or anything else he sees fit to comment on. Before we get into this week's edition, let's recap another soggy Men's Night.

Despite damp conditions once again, turnout on Wednesday was surprisingly robust. Team 7 led the soaked rabble with a score of 221, easily defeating snake-bitten Team 1 by 5 strokes. Jeff Fox's superbly-chosen squad (no, Foxy was not present at the draft) was led by the steady Ric Trainor who hydroplaned a 39 and an unlikely 40 from Jack Loft, playing way over his head again. The net scores were provided by a true group of mudders, John Paddon (33), “Stella” Jauhal (35), Sat Vig (37) and Bill Kai (also 37). Wayne (pink is beautiful) Schreuer's Team 4 made its first appearance on the money list by edging out Teams 1 and 2 by a single stroke for second place and garnering the $25 per player purse (even for those pikers who failed to show!) The aforementioned tied teams will break the tie with a no-holds barred Cage Match in the dining room on Monday night (hey, we've got to fill the place somehow!) The Closest-to-the-Pin on Hole #4 was dubiously awarded to Bernie Hanna after it was suggested that he and Stan Kudlats agreed to split the free pitcher of Sleeman's between them.

So, with their miserable performance this week, Tuffy's Team 10 was knocked from the ranks of the undefeated and we now have a tie between them and Foxy's surging squad at 3-1. No less than six teams are at .500 and only Clatch's Team 6 and Killeen's Team 8 have one victory apiece. Hopefully, Clatch's neck loosens up for next week and Johnny can light a fire under CVL, Graham and Bamber, among others.

OK, without further adieu, let's turn the mike over to the Ann Landers of Beverly, The Golf Pig! Take it away Piggy!

Thanks guys. I'm looking forward to answering all your questions over the next little while (or at least as long as Bernie lets me!). Let's get right to the Mail Bag and see what we have for this week:

Dear Golf Pig: Why do the Leafs and my Men's Night team suck so badly? Signed, Buds Fan

Dear Bud: It's simple really. Both the Leafs and your MWL team steal money from you and give you nothing in return. As a matter of fact, it's probably because both Brian Burke and your captain blew their top draft picks in the draft...and I mean that in a nice way!

Dear Golf Pig: Why don't they mow the grass in the ravine on Hole #7 and why is there a rope preventing us from going up the right side of the green? Signed, Greens with Envy

Dear Greeny: The reason it's not mowed is to prevent wankers like you from walking up the hill and killing the grass in the swale with your size 14 Billy Casper Signature Kro-Flites that you've worn every round for the last 12 years!

Dear Golf Pig: I hate wearing shorts because I've got these skinny little legs and I'm worried about what the other guys might say about them. What should I do? Signed Thin and Pale

Dear Pale: Haven't you heard the expression,”The uglier a golfer's legs, the better he plays”? So, slap on the SPF 45 and swallow your pride. You'll have the last laugh when you fleece your opponent because he's more concerned about your legs than his swing!

Dear Golf Pig: Why do they call the part of the club between the head and the shaft, a hosel? Signed, Retired Banker

Dear Banker: Haven't you got anything better to do than staying awake at night wondering about crap like this? Get a life, buddy!

Dear Golf Pig: What's the biggest difference between the condition of the course this year and last year? Signed, Copetown Jack

Dear Jack: The biggest difference between this year and last is that we haven't had to listen to those whining maggots who bitched about the greens all last season. And, by the way, I hope you're enjoying those six hour rounds at Dragon's Breath or Sunburned Hills or wherever you're losing your balls at this year.

Dear Golf Pig: Why do I have to play with another member when I register my score in the system? Signed, Tipping It Over

Dear Tippy: Maybe it's because your “guests” won't call you on all those rules violations and creative scoring you do out there. I mean, is it really worth it just so you can qualify for the Albanian Senior Open?

Well, that's about all the time we have for this week. Sorry we couldn't get to everybody's questions but the Pig will return again to dig into the Mail Bag and answer your queries.