Welcome to the Men's Night 2007 Season
Sep 13, 2007 | Posted by Pat AlpaughThat, My Friends, Is All There Is...Two hundred and fifty seven participants played 2,884 rounds of golf and when all was said and done we have Mr. Don Murphy’s Team # 6 at the top of the standings. Believe me; I know exactly how you feel. I had the pleasure of sitting with Mr. Murhpy last night while he tried to convince me this was actually a very popular win. I have to admit that if you completely ignore his on-course performance Don was the ideal Captain this year. He made a point of contacting each of his players at the beginning of the season to ensure they knew how the program worked, he regularly sent rambling, incoherent and grammatically shocking Emails to his squad explaining why he, once again, had failed to count towards the team total and he passionately explained to Mr. Mike White why playing with Mr. Vic Iezzi Jr. week after week would only hurt his game. When you consider that this was Don’s third attempt as a Captain we probably shouldn’t be surprised he finally broke through. In 2003 he decided on a "let the boys play" approach which resulted in a fine 13th place finish while in 2004 he went with a "maybe I should lead by example" method – I think they finished dead last that year. In 2007 he finally realized that participation was far more important than performance and he preached it from week one. Loathe him or hate him you have to respect the accomplishment. Don and his Godless group will be recognized at the year-end dinner when they will each receive a gift certificate for $100 and an invitation to the 5th annual Champions Day celebration on Friday September 28th. A lot of work goes into a program of this size and I want everyone to know it’s not a one-man show. The boys on the committee (John Alpaugh, George Foubert, Mike Hurley Jr., Don Murphy and Dave Pugh) and I simply couldn’t do it without the help of some very generous sponsors (Mike Hurley Jr., Dan and Gabe Gasbarrini, Woody, Nick Rizzo, Molsons, Gene Carrafiello, Gerry Byrne, Don Pritlove, Ennio and Giuliano Luciani, Joe Costantini, John Lahay, Greg Forrest and Bruce Rogerson). Please be sure to say thank you when you seem them next. Looking back on this year’s articles it appears I’ve pretty much nailed everyone that deserved nailing so, at least from that perspective, I’m prepared to label it a success. When I first began writing the articles in 2004 there was some concern that my take on things was perhaps a little too direct. There were those who suggested some members might take offence at being categorized as drunk, gay or stupid but I can honestly say that hasn’t been the case. As a matter of fact, based on the comments I receive throughout the year and while in the lounge last night, it appears that being singled out and ridiculed has become a Men’s Night Badge of Honour if you will. So anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed the program again this year and I sincerely apologize if I left any of you out – there’s always next year. I'm sure you've probaly noticed that as the season winds down I find it increasingly difficult to find both the time and the inspiration to craft something entertaining. Truth be told - I'm plum wore out and I gots nothin' left to say. I did, however, promise some people that I would update the little ditty I posted at the beginning of 2006 which paid homage to some of our more colourful members. I will leave you with this… Sung to the tune of “My Favourite Things” from the Sound of Music
Cochrane complaining of tee times and women, Bryson still pining for blades and Persimmon, Sharp always talking and embellishing, These are a few of my favourite things.
Gillespie, McPherson, the Dino’s and Cogger’s, Angevine putts with his hand in his trousers, Quirky behaviour, unorthodox swings, These are a few of my favourite things. Murphy chastising a game that’s gone missing, Snyder is up on the balcony pissing, Knott proving that he gets dumber each spring, These are a few of my favourite things. When the dues rise, When Mike Lay drives, When I’m feeling sad, I simply remember my favourite things, and then I don’t feel so bad. Barclay and Bullas and poor Rand Moyer Pured one on #12 but still can’t reach the corner, Warning track power, the shame that it brings These are a few of my favourite things. Drafting a Pro and now I’m feeling dandy, Betting on Bruce then learning it’s Andy, Drives in the car park leave big dents and dings, These are a few of my favourite things. Chatting up April or Bobbi or Caitlyn, Nauseous and dizzy from sucking your gut in, Thinking we’re charming and interesting, These are a few of my favourite things When the snow flies, All those bad lies, When I’m feeling sad, I simply remember my favourite things, and then I don’t feel so bad. See you next year, Pat
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| 0 Comments Sep 6, 2007 | Posted by Pat AlpaughThe Home StretchI’m not really sure what to say about the juggernaut that Team # 6 has become. They aren’t a particularly athletic group and with Murphy at the helm you know they’re not out thinking their opponents but they certainly know their way to the 1st tee. They have the best won/lost record, are leading in participation and it appears they are well on their way to snagging the first place prize money along with a coveted invitation to our annual Champions Day on Friday September 28th. Regardless of the outcome of next week’s matches I hope everyone will make the effort to stop by the Men’s Lounge in order to toast the winners, bad-mouth the losers and listen to Mr. Mike DeAngelis explain how he went from being a member of the winning team in 2006 to being the Captain of the last place team in 2007. I’m sure it will be interesting. Our annual Swatfest, buffet, TV Raffle and prize presentation is scheduled for Wednesday September 19th. There is no charge for the dinner and every Men’s Night participant is eligible to win the Plasma TV in the lounge so please try to attend. Speaking of the Swatfest… despite last week's straightforward description of the actions required (put your name on the list, be on the tee for 2:00 p.m. and stay as far away from Lou D’Amato as you can) I still had a number of guys approach me for some additional information. Last night one gentleman even went so far as to ask for a detailed explanation of the rules which, for no particular reason, seemed very funny to me. I thought my original explanation was sufficient… put your name on the list, be on the tee for 2:00 p.m. and stay as far away from Lou D’Amato as you can. What else is there to know? I am, however, prepared to offer a little tidbit of information to try and help some of the new guys make it past the second hole. Write this down… the Swatfest is a two-man alternate shot format so the key to success is becoming "one" with your partner by embracing the psychophysiological concept known as "Chi." You simply cannot win this prestigious event without it. I’m sure you’ve all forgotten but, a few years ago, I hit my team’s opening tee shot out of bounds immediately eliminating both me and my "yet to hit" partner no more than 5 minutes into the contest. When I look back now I realize "our" failure had absolutely nothing to do with me. Our partnership was doomed from the beginning for one simple reason… we had no Chi! Well, that and a combined handicap of 37 and a tab on the beverage cart that resembled a phone number. Last year I was paired with Mr. Dave Bethune who, by anyone’s standard, is a different cat but by the time we reached the third tee our Chi was such that we could have both farted in the same beer bottle - whatever that means - but I’m telling you we were tight! Pyschobabble and good Karma can only take you so far however and ultimately it was my poorly timed shank and Davey being one of those guys who simply stinks at the game that caused our premature departure. I hope this helps.
See you next week,
Pat
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| 0 Comments Aug 31, 2007 | Posted by Pat AlpaughOnly Two Weeks To Go...Please accept my most sincere apologies for the lateness of this weeks posting. I am flattered that so many of you cared enough to give me hell by Email and/or phone and believe me, I am humbled and honoured at the number of people that check in each week to see what I’ve written, but it’s not always possible for me to make it a priority. I will try to do better in the future. There are only two weeks remaining on the team vs. team schedule followed by our annual Swatfest and year-end banquet on Wednesday September 19th. The sign-up sheet will be posted this weekend. The Men’s Night regulars look forward to what has to be the most extraordinary event in golf. I've tried several times but, as much I would love to explain it to the new guys, I have never been able to do it justice. All I could come up with is this; put your name on the list, be on the first tee for 2:00 p.m. and stay as far away from Mr. Lou d’Amato as you can. Last year, Lou set a new Swatfest record for stupid when, after arriving 55 minutes late (there aren’t many events where you can arrive nearly an hour late and still not miss your group), he committed exactly one breach of golf etiquette per swing. Swing one; Lou nailed Brian Garbedian’s cart from, I don’t know, maybe seven feet away. Swing two; Lou literally knocked the drink right out of Mike Brumaru’s hand. Swing three; Lou made such poor contact that a certain level of profanity was warranted, even expected, though he probably should have checked his proximity to the cart girl prior to castigating everything that is good and sacred in this world. Swing four; despite a number on the ball the size of Arnold Palmer’s prostate – Sweet Lou putted the wrong one… eliminated, baby! It’s a great day so please plan to attend. My group this week consisted of my Captain, Mr. Mark Moffat and about 75 Air Show enthusiasts who, while waiting for the periodic fly bys, quietly watched us play our approach shots on # 2 and our tee shots on # 3. Truth be told, the two of us were ignored like Murphy at his high school prom but even a disinterested gallery can intensify the mood a little. It’s funny how the circumstances can change the shot; the excitement of the Air Show and the fact that my team # 2 is barely hanging on to third place caused (at least in my mind) our 3rd green to shrink until it looked like I was trying to stop my ball on Carm Lancia’s head. I fatted my wedge and came up at least 30 yards short propelling me towards yet another "much ado about nothing" performance for the week. As far as Mr. Moffat… well, he is a very intense competitor who takes his role as the Captain of Team # 2 very seriously. He literally drove four and a half hours from Gananoque so he could play and try to help the team. The boys and I thoroughly appreciated the effort though I know Mark was disappointed with his play. He’s worked very hard at rallying the team so we might defend our title and he wanted nothing more than to inspire me and the rest of his "charges" by posting a great score. I have no idea if it was the distraction of the Air Show or the demands related to his Captaincy but poor Mark just never got it going. It was obvious he was feeling just awful about his performance and he must have said four or five times, "I want you to know Pat... I can play a lot better than this… I just never do." I believe you, my friend, I believe you.
See you next week,
Pat
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| 0 Comments Aug 23, 2007 | Posted by Pat AlpaughOh, The Humanity!Things haven’t been going my way lately. My Men’s Night team is fading from contention, the recent re-location of the store and the related time demands have prevented me from spending the requisite time to write anything of substance and, perhaps worst of all, Mr. Don Angevine, absolutely embarrassed me in the Fred Hunt which is, now that I think about it, just two harmless consonants shy of something absolutely filthy - how fitting. My match with Don was never close. The proverbial "writing" was on the half-way house wall by the time we reached the 9th tee; I was seven down through eight holes and, once again, well on my way to proving incontestably the biggest rivalry in sports history is not Yankees/Red Sox, Celtic/Rangers or even the Christians vs. the Lions. No, my friends, the biggest rivalry in sport is between me and my damn putter. I’ve been bouncing back and forth between a regular length, belly and long putter this year with the hope that I would fall over a cure for the yips. It hasn’t happened yet but I’m almost certain tomorrow will be different. You might think I’m crazy but it’s always been my belief that woven into our very fabric and as definitive as our capacity to see the brightest dawn, lying to oneself grants us the ability to persevere at this frustrating game. Deception casts aside the undue burden of reality’s sting and allows me to believe that today’s round will be different than the 1,427 rounds that came before. Not long ago I read about some tribal wisdom that’s been attributed to the Dakota Sioux Indians and their philosophy regarding the tribe’s elders accepting the inevitable and going with the long putter. Well, it wasn’t exactly about that but I’m prepared to allow myself a little artistic license in this particular case. According to Dakota Sioux tribal wisdom, "when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount". Dismount? But, I’m telling you I’m this close to finding the secret! I think, for now, I’ll stay with the belly putter and continue to employ my method of coping which has been to flog the dead horse my putting has become with the hope that it might miraculously right itself and help me birdie two out of three coming in. As for my match with Mr. Angevine… well, I managed to fend him off for a little while but unfortunately the golfing Grim Reaper was waiting for me just behind the 13th green and he had no intention of leaving unaccompanied. I lost 6 & 5 and am now officially eliminated from every form of competition at the club. Oh, the ignominy. As far as this week’s play… well, we finally had a Team # 4 sighting! They posted a very tidy 238 for the week which came just in time because rumour has it some of the boys were beginning to worry about their exempt status for 2008. It’s nice to see some new faces getting in on the weekly prize money. The team was led by Mr. John Alpaugh (32) and Mr. Nick Rizzo (35) on the gross side, Mr. Kirby Brown (31) and Mr. Gabe Gasbarrini (33) on the net side and Mr. Ted Pease (gross 53 – net 46) on the utterly useless side. Each participating member of Team # 4, regardless of their individual performance, will find their Pro Shop accounts $35 richer and that none of the rest of us are happy about it. IMPORTANT NOTICE: The SWATFEST, the year-end banquet and our annual prize presentation is scheduled for Wednesday September 19th. A sign-up sheet will be posted in the locker room next week. We are aiming for a 2:00 P.M. launch followed by the buffet at 7:00 P.M. The Swatfest is a unique and very entertaining event so I strongly suggest all Men's Night participants make every effort to attend.
See you next week,
Pat
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| 0 Comments |
Men's Night Sponsors:
Co-Title Sponsor  Co-Title Sponsor  Pat's Men's Night Classics
Riviera Shoal Creek 2007 Average Attendance...182 Per Week!__________________ Please contact me at pat@golfscoring.net if you have any questions or comments about our Men's Night Program.
MAXIM Coors Light Road Trip Qualifiers..._________________WEEKLY PRIZESHurley Long Drive... Gerry GlavesGasbarinni Long Drive... Keith LancasterWoody's Closest # 3... Mike MartinoRizzo Long Putt... Bruce GrahamNMR Closest # 8... John BazoianLow Net ... Bill HowdenLow Gross ... Bruce RogersonHole-In One...Hole # 8 - $ 1320Hole # 3 - $ 2180
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