As part of the writing rotation this year I am filling in this week for the vacationing Todd Stanbridge.   If you read my last write up you’ll recall my experience losing to Don Pritlove. This Wednesday, knowing that Don has been playing some great golf after a recent playing lesson with Bruce, I made sure to snatch up Don as my partner.  After a few holes of Don playing like crap I told him to just remember what Bruce had told him causing Bill Howden to blurt out “golf lessons are lost on people with Alzheimer’s”. Apparently, the only thing that ruined our day was the inability of Rob Grinton to find enough friends to play with on the busiest day of the week which had him trying to turn our group into a sevensome all day.

     Last week, I played with Dentist to the Stars, Jim Kivenen. If you haven’t met Jim you’ve heard him or, at least, his laugh. Jim can shank a ball dead right and all you will hear is laughter. He could be the happiest man at the club and a bit of a prankster. Frankly, I think Jim is the reason they don’t let dentists use laughing gas anymore and I am not so sure he returned his leaky gas masks. Recently, someone told me that Jim hit the speaker button on the cell phone at the halfway house and the conversation went like this:

Wifey: Honey, I just found the nicest fur coat and only $20,000.

Jim:     Buy it.

Wifey: And I was looking at the nicest house this morning and only $750,000.

Jim:     Offer $800,000 and make sure you get it.

Wifey: I could finally get a pool boy to look after me like you can’t.

Jim:     Get two, I just want you to be happy.

Wifey: Honey, you’re the best.

Jim:     Anything for you, baby.

    I know I should be happy someone found my cell phone but did it have to be Jim.

    My constant for Men’s League was playing with Doug Poole.  No matter who would join us they would almost certainly comment on Doug’s sweet fluid swing. It’s true. Doug swings like a young Fred Couples.  Sadly, he hits the ball like an old Doug Poole and has the back of an even older Fred Couples.  Prior to Doug’s recent lay up with a bad back, we had many spirited discussions about hockey, basketball, real or fake and, of course, golf. One day I mentioned that I wasn’t certain that I made the right choice in buying a range finder……..perhaps I should have gotten a GPS.  Taking my range finder, Doug pointed it at the green ahead of us and said“it is 122 yards to Murphy and the pin is just on the other side of him”.  So I asked how far it was to the other side of Murphy and Doug just turned and said “you’re going to need GPS for that”.  For sale, one range finder.        

The Week That Was

    Last week Pat wrote “Team # 6 was, once again, in top spot for the week with a very impressive 275.  That’s an average of 34.38 shots per player that counted toward the team total!” 

    Well, this week Team #6 again shot 275 to lead the week and I will trust Pat on the 34.38 shots. Three gross 36’s from Chappy, Chris Gratton and Ian McDonald led the way with a sweet 38 gross by Ron Watson going to Useless Bastard land.  Also, four net 36’s, including my own, failed to count. It should be pointed out that all 17 players played this week for a big team effort.

    Now, as a member of Team #6, I want to stop the rumours that Captain John Horan emails other captains telling them that “your feeble skills are no match for the powers of the Dark Side”.  Never happened. It was clearly pointed out to John that it didn’t work out too well for the guy in the movie. Besides, everyone knows that the Dark Side has cookies and John, being on a fixed income, has not provided any cookies to the team. It’s not as if John looks like a guy who ate all the cookies himself.

    Continuing their dogged pursuit of top spot, Captain Paul Johnston’s Team #5 came in a very close second with a 279 score which would win most weeks. Great gross scores from Bruce, Andy and Mike Lay along with net scores of 33 by Dave Walker and Wilf Hogeveen went a long way towards another great performance.  Now Paul has taken a lot of abuse but he clearly drafted very well and has motivated his team wonderfully.

    The crucial event of the week was a loss by Captain Jeff Barclay’s Team #11.  Team #11 had been hanging tough with only two losses prior to this week and just 20 points out of first place. This loss cost the team 14 points in the standings.

    It should be noted that after a rough start Craig Mann’s Team #4 won their third match in a row.  Great comeback effort guys – keep it up.

The Captains

    Going into the last week of regular play, Team #6 has a 25 point lead over Team #5, 34 points over Team #11 and 41 points over Randy Moyer’s Team #12 with Captain Jeff Shannon’s Team #7 just another four points back.  No question these Captains did a great job drafting and motivating their teams.  So who is the best Captain?  Don’t forget to consider the captain of Team #1, Lou D’Amato.  I can’t remember where I first met Lou but I do know that he likes a challenge. Anyone can draft to win it all but it takes real drafting skill to try and win Pool B from Day 1.  I mean, Bruce shot 31 and 33 the past two weeks and Lou passed on him.  Genius, pure Pool B genius.  Let’s just hope Team #13 doesn’t spoil the party and boot Team #1 into last spot of Pool A.

The Showdown

    Whether it is just a fluke or whether Pat is a scheduling genius, the last week of the schedule has the top four teams playing each other.  Teams #6 and #11 will face off as will Team #5 and Team #12.  The top of the standings could blow wide open or tighten right up based on these results.  It should be a great week coming up and I wish good luck to everyone.

The Money List

    Looking at the list it isn’t surprising to see that 12 of the first 13 spots are held by members of Team #6 with John Sharp being the lone non-member meaning he has won many individual items. Recently, John was telling me about his continuing education in The Rules of Golf and offered to test me. I asked if he graded on a curve and he said yes but that it wouldn’t help me given that I’m stupid on a straight line. Thanks John.

Bits and Bites

    Some notable individual accomplishments for the week:

• Dean Braund winning the Rizzo Long Putt AND the closest to the hole on #8.
• Dino Costabile being tight on #3 and I’ll trust he made the putt.
• Gabriel Kirchberger nailing down the Blue Dog Long Putt.
• Gary McVicar having a great net 29 and the list shows several net 30’s as well. Check them out.
• Jack Wratten with another gross 34.
• Ryan Greenfield, Neil Higgins, Nate Lockey and Randy Novak all came in with gross 35’s. Well done guys.
• Don Murphy winning the closest to the hole on #7. Easier to mention this than hear about it if I don’t.

    A Few Scores Worthy Of Mention

• Mike DeAngelis with a gross 36.
• 12 handicapper and B Flighter Don Angevine with a gross 37. (Club C must be near)
• Bill Howden who lipped out on nine and settled for a gross 40.
• Maurice Lesperance who shot his third straight good score after a bit of a struggle.
• Bob Nicholas with another gross 43 which, from that swing, is pretty impressive.
• Rob Grinton finishing the front nine in a less than respectable two hours and fifteen minutes.

The Playoffs and Next Week’s Schedule

    Pat asked me to go over the playoff details but I see that he was extremely detailed last week so scroll down to see the full details.  Seriously, scroll down now.  It’s the “page down” button over there to the right.  No, your other right Sharpie. Now read it all.  No, not out loud Boomer.  I’ll wait here for you to finish.   Done? Good. Don’t be the idiot who asks if points carryover.

    Due to the Canadian Seniors event next week the available tees times don’t start until 1:30 pm and fivesomes are to be expected . No question, there are many morning golfers who may be inconvenienced by this and may not wish to play later on.  I don’t care about that unless you are on Team #6 in which case you damn well better show up.

In Conclusion

    Some guys take a fair bit of ripping on the blog. Take Mike Brumaru….please. (Sorry, Pat told me to do some Henny Youngman so I had to go on Wikipedia to see who she was).  Anyway, Mike is really one of the guys at the club that would do anything to help someone out.  Recently, I told Mike that my sixth divorce was soon to be final (you know, the cell phone thing) and that I was going to get a Romanian Mail Order bride as my seventh wife.  Mike took it upon himself to spend considerable time with me and explain all I need to know about the fine Romanian people.  After spending all that time with Mike and hearing all Mike had to say, I am pleased to announce that my Hungarian Mail Order bride will be arriving from Budapest on Monday.

    Now go and actually read all the playoff details below ‘cuz I know you didn’t the first time and you will be the one who asks stoopid questions. 

Enjoy the Playoffs and Swatfest!   

Steve