The best story this week was, I’m glad to say, the weather.  At about 1:00 p.m. I called out to the club and asked how things looked.  I was told, "it’s a little over 70 and slightly steamy”, but I honestly didn’t know if he was referring to the weather or the Captain of Team # 3 Bruce McKinnon. 

     It is quite common for us to experience some issues at the beginning of each year.  The two most common are the rules and people not turning in their scores.  My position on the rules is fairly straightforward - follow them.  Play the ball as you find it, putt everything out and please hit a provisional if you think you might have lost the ball or hit one out-of-bounds.  If you have any questions regarding the rules speak with a member of the Men’s Night Committee or a member of our Professional staff.

     As far as turning in your scores, my position on that subject is also fairly straightforward – hand the damn things in; your team needs the participation point.  I realize it’s more important to some than others but please, make sure you either put your Men’s Night Scoresheet in the box on the 10th tee or hand it directly to a member of the Pro Shop staff.  It’s also a good idea to either check the TV or the website to make sure your score has been entered accurately.  We had two scores entered incorrectly this week and it would be a shame if that affected the outcome of the matches.  We allow for a little leeway at the beginning of the season but as of June 1st our policy is that all scores are deemed final by 6:00 p.m. on Thursday.  I hope you understand.

Alright, alright… What about the good stuff?

     I’d say we’re off to a pretty good start; the weather was perfect, the turnout was great and I managed to survive a worrisome moment when it appeared I’d blasted both my second shot and my provisional out of bounds on # 4.  It’s funny the things you think of when the ball is in the air…

“… first week and I’m going to be a Useless Bastard.”

“… Lou D’Amato (my Captain) is going to kill me.”

“… I think I heard that Mike Malecki signed up to play Men’s Night this  year… I should be safe no matter what I do here.” 

     Thankfully my provisional bounced hard right rather than left and I was correct regarding Mike being on the sign-up list for 2010.  I asked Mike what it was like to be the first Most Useless Bastard of the year. 

“Pat, he said, it’s like taking the worst golf day of your life and sticking it in your mouth”. 

     I have no idea what that means but I thought it was pretty funny so I wrote it down. 

     Now, please don’t think Mike was alone on the Most Useless list this week.  No, as a matter of fact, our good friend and sponsor Mr. Darren MacVicar from Labatt’s ended up with a beer-flattening net of 49.  There’s a myth afoot, origins unknown, that guys like Darren and Mike actually find this infuriating game enjoyable despite an almost daily confirmation to the contrary.  I feel for guys like them – I really do – or as much as someone like me is capable of caring about another guy’s score and I couldn’t help but think that there, but for the grace of being born to two reasonably well coordinated parents, go I.  Anyway, I’ve already forgotten who I was writing about so let’s move on.

     On the positive side I was told that Mr. Rob Grinton holed a 4-iron on # 5 for a deuce!  On the negative side it was Rob who told me so, as you might imagine, I had to sit through the entire shot-by-shot recap of the entire hole.  Thankfully, he only hit the damn thing twice so his riveting summary lasted a mere 20 minutes.  For those of you who are unaware Rob had a few health issues a short time ago but it appears he’s made a phenomenal recovery.  It’s good to see him back on the course. 

     Mr. Mike Brumaru is off to a good start this year – relatively speaking of course.  The “Count” seems to think he’s a member of the Romanian Rat Pack or something although, to tell you the truth, I kind of like the splash of colour, fedora and retro-looking shoes he’s been sporting lately.  I always enjoy sitting in the lounge with Mike but I have to confess my motivation is not entirely based on furthering the camaraderie that’s inarguably one of the better byproducts of the traditional post-game discussion.  No, I have to admit I like sitting with Mike because I get a kick out of seeing how many words he’ll make up.  Now, please don’t misunderstand, I have nothing but profound respect for a man who bravely leaves his homeland and makes a success of himself and heaven knows Mike’s English is far better than my Romanian but there are times I swear he’s speaking in tongues. 

     The biggest story around the place this week had to be the much anticipated trip to Augusta National by our Golf Captain, Mr. Bryan Monster.  Yes, my friends, Bryan traveled to Augusta, Georgia last Saturday where he teed it up at one of the most exclusive golf clubs in the world yet when pressed for stories about perfect conditions, lighting-fast greens and elbows most certainly rubbed with the who’s who of America all he wanted to talk about was the fact that when dining in the clubhouse they don’t use menus.  Bryan was very taken by the idea that you can order whatever you want.  Encouraging isn’t it?   Our spiritual leader is more interested in Taco Bell than Golden Bell.  I should have known he wasn’t the right guy for the trip when his biggest concern prior to leaving was whether or not the airline was going to try and charge the fat bastard for two seats.  I’m not sure what else there is to say about that.   

     We’ve made some upgrades to the website and improved the Live Scoring but by far the most exciting advancement for 2010 is the new Super League feature.  This new feature allows all of the clubs using the golfscoring.net scoring software to play against one another during the season.  Our club score will be determined by the lowest 25 net scores shot every Wednesday.   The scoring for the Super League is pretty simple; we’ll get one point for beating each of the approximately 45 other leagues that are participating in the Super League.  The Super League competition begins the first week of June and through to the end of August.  I’ve had brief talks with some of the other clubs regarding a friendly wager but nothing has been solidified just yet.  Like all of the scoring information, the standings for the week and year-to-date standings will be displayed on the website and on the TV in the lounge. 

     Oh, before I leave, I should update you on a minor alteration to the blogging for this year.  Just to change things up a little I’ve asked my fellow committee members to take a turn at looking after the website so next week Mr. Reg Madison will be your communication steward.   Each week a different committee member will look after the site so you should get a fresh take on things every Thursday/Friday when you check in.  We’d also like to get some of the Captains or guys who play in Men’s Night involved in doing some writing so please, if you’d like to step up and be heard from, let me know.  We’d certainly appreciate the help.

The Unwritten Rules of Golf – Part V

Keep your hands off other people’s bags…

A man’s golf bag is sacrosanct.  Kind of like a woman’s purse I think.  You never go into another player’s golf bag without very specific direction and even then you only carry out the proposed initiative and absolutely nothing more.  I don’t want to see you rummaging through my little carry bag like you’re giving the poor thing liposuction.  Grab a ball or tee if that’s your quest and don’t be sifting through looking for the good ones either - grab the first one you see and get the hell out.  So it shall be written.  So it shall be done.

See you in a few weeks,

Pat