Week 9:  It's All Over But the Playoffs

Sadly for some, and mercifully for others, Week 9 brings us to the end of the "Regular Season" for the 2010 DVGCC Men's League.  This week is the last week of team versus team competition before we start the Battle Royal of every team versus every other team known as the Playoffs.  When it comes to your place in the standings, participation points often make the difference.  Your teammates are counting on you to show up and post a decent score.  (Admittedly, posting a decent score is a lot to ask of some of you who seem to be consistently useless bastards.  However, each week brings a new hope your game will resurrect itself.  In the mean time, think of yourself as a single-point specialist.)  Not to worry, your significant other, kids, boss and customers/clients are all OK if you want to play golf this Wednesday ... We checked ... Really!

The long-range weather forecast for this Wednesday is sunny with a low of 17 and a high of 24 degrees Celsius, with a Humidex of 50.  Just kidding, it will only feel like 30-40 degrees Celsius after adding in the Humidex factor.  For those who grew up with the Fahrenheit system, 24 Celsius is warm, but with the Humidex factor makes us all feel unpleasantly hot and sweaty, kind of like when your Handicap Factor or DVGCC Men's League Handicap drops too quickly.

In team versus team action, we have the middle of the pack Padgetts Ponies taking on the lackluster Reshafts.  Will the Ponies come up lame, or will the Reshafts be pushed past their breaking point?  The bottom of the barrel boys from The Back Dores do battle with the 3rd place All in the Family.  Will the Family bring home the bacon, or will the Dores find a way to get back on their hinges?  The season-long, league leading and undefeated Kevins Klowns are out to ensure Feelin Elin is feeling the agony of defeat rather than the joys of victory, but Elin plans to spank those Klowns.  Watch out, those Klowns don't beat the competition, they kill them.  In the battle of mediocrity, it's Vics Prix versus 54 Cents.  Will the Prix be hard up this week, or will the boys on 54 Cents be short-changed?  The funny men of of 2nd place Laff Inn take on the dudes with The Valley's best Hair Dos.  If those Dos don't, there will have been a great deal more than "Laff Inn" going on this Wednesday. 

Play well, have fun and support your team every Wednesday.  See you there!

The DVGCC Men’s League Committee

Mid-day Follow-up:  With only a few scores in by noon, the Low Net score of 32 is currently shared by high-handicapper Terry "Tiger" Woods and mid-handicapper John Sullivan.  Our Head Professional shot 36 to be Low Gross score, is unbeaten in Beat the Pro of course, as well as being the King of the Captains by one over Rick Michal's 37.  It might be Doug Smith's crazy shorts that threw off his game, but regardless, Doug's Net 43 off a Gross 46 currently makes him the Most Useless Bastard.

It's currently another bright sunny summer day with more hot, humid weather for The Valley.  However, according to the folks at the Environment Canada Weather Office, there is a Severe Thunderstorm Watch in Effect for the City of Hamilton (including the Valley Town of Dundas).  For those who have yet to play, please pay special attention to the severe weather warning system at the club while on the course this afternoon as the weather may change rapidly and without much warning.  Let's hope that The Valley is spared from the severe weather, but that's out of our hands.  That said, the men's lounge is always open for 1/2 priced wings and $11 pitchers of Nickelbrook beer on Wednesdays whether or not you complete your 9 hole round.  (I know not all of you love locally brewed, organic Nickelbrook beer, but most people agree that the wings are very tasty.)

Keep hacking and whacking away out there boys!

Late-day Follow-up:  The Severe Thunderstorm Watch was called off, and the golfers played on unmolested in what turned out to be another great day at The Valley...

If this was the NHL, the President's trophy for the best regular season record would go to Kevins Klowns who finished (on a losing note I might add) 7-1-1.  While the Klowns may have lost their killer instinct this week, we likely have not heard the last of them.  Kongratulations!  All in the Family rose to the occasion and edged out Laff Inn for second place with Feelin Elin and Vics Prix rounding out the top 5.  The Back Dores are still bottom of the heap despite improved play as of late.

In team versus team action, the Reshafts made Padgetts Ponies look like My Little Ponies.  All in the Family easily kicked down The Back Dores.  Feelin Elin had her way with Kevins Klowns (see the quote of the week).  Vics Prix proved too hard to beat for 54 Cents.  With nary a hair out of place, the Hair Dos were victorious over Laff Inn.  The money goes to the Family (234), the Jilted Lady (240) and the Prix (247).  The Family will be undergoing blood testing for banned substances before we start the playoffs.

Rick Marshall's 51 for a 47 easily makes him this week's most useless of the most useless bastards.  This week's biggest sandbaggers are Mike Richards and Joe Growse with net 31s.  Joe posted a 42 for 31, while Mike posted a 35 for 31.  A net score of 33 would have put you in a 6 way tie for 9th place.  Kevin Dore shot a 33 to win Low Gross and King of the Captains honours this week over Brett Wilkinson who shot a 34.  Nice shooting Kevin!  In Beat the Pro, John Kirkwood's 36 was beaten by Kevin Dore, Brett Wilkinson, Mike Richards, Randy Conley, Ralph "Cowboy" Carter, and Jeff Scardamaglia.

To wrap up the regular season I'd like to share a few questions I got asked or overheard during the regular season ... "How do I win money?"  "Is someone ever going to make another hole-in-one during Men's League Play?"  "Is my captain Dave Dolman a real person, or the stuff of fantasy like the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Leprechauns?"  "Is playing so poorly on Wednesday nights supposed to be fun?"  "Did anyone see where my new ProV1 went?"  "Why didn't anyone suggest I play a provisional before we got 300 yards away from the tee?"  "Why does my Men's League handicap seem to drop quickly when I play well, while taking forever to go up when I play poorly?"  "What are the tiny, white face cloth-sized towels in the men's locker room for?"  "What's a SWATFEST?"  "Did you see someone pick up my ball?  I swear it was there a minute ago."  Finally, "Where did my game go?"

Quote for the Week:  "The bigger they come, the harder they fall."  - Bob Fitzsimmons