Greetings, all.

The Ides of March is upon us, which tends to remind some of Julius Caesar for four (4) reasons: first, for the popular misconception that it was his unusual decision to mix smelly anchovies with Romaine lettuce to form a salad; second, for the term "Caesarean Section", which better describes a district in Rome where people use windows and not doors to exit buildings; third, for the fact that Caesar was buried and not praised, which is a fate that had befallen this anonymous blog writer after his absence beginning in mid-June of last year; and, fourth, for the rule of thumb never to hire as a caddy anyone who wields a shiny knife and is named "Brutus".

Yes, fellow Whitewater Golf Club members and other local golf enthusiasts, a new season has arrived and a clean slate, we trust, awaits all of us. Simply stated, things will be different this year, except for Steve "The Amazing" Melnik's horrendously awful putting stroke and the fact that Larry "Plumber" Craig will conveniently forget to buy an on-course round of adult beverages until Week 7. Matters such as those are, of course, incapable of positive change.

The management team (Silvio "God" Di Gregorio - Proprietor, Cory "Snax" Lees - Food and Beverage Manager, Robert "Call me Bob" Mathieson - Executive Chef, and Matt "Call me Matthew" Simmons - Director of Golf) and the Members' Committee male representatives (Ron "Sad Sack" Saddington - Emperor, Ron "Crash" Marostica - President, Mark "Smurf" Colosimo - Premier, and Brian "Weasel" MacIvor - Useless) of the Whitewater Golf Club are prepared to accept all credit and to receive all blame for the success or failure of the 2010 Men's Night programme, including but not limited to: (a) the five-hour Wednesday afternoon rounds; (b) the seemingly invisible on-course beverage carts; (c) the occasional inclement weather; (d) the decision by some to play the White Tee Boxes; (e) the preternatural ability of Barry "Beanshave" Caland to win a trinket or some other prize weekly; and (f) the anti-social bastards who eat dinner on the outdoor patio and not in the dining room with the rest of the participants. Woo-hoo ... let the bitching begin! Ron "Crash" Marostica has graciously agreed to receive all complaints via e-mail to shutthefuckupandjustplaygolf@marosticamotors.com.

We are, however, duly informed that there is SOME enjoyment experienced during the weekly Men's Night programme such as, for example, when one happens to witness first-hand: (a) Jim "Needles" Lysak searching desperately through his golf bag for a chocolate bar, insulin vial, or both; (b) Garry "Doc" Kushner undergoing what appears to be an epileptic seizure or a ghetto breakdance after missing a short putt; (c) Darrin "Not Dale or Dan" Poulin offering his alleged score after the completion of any particular hole; (d) John "G-mac" Dolcetti being more concerned with sanding divots than with his game; (e) Walter "Newfie" Keating, Sr., yelling and laughing about who-the-fuck-knows-what; and (f) Walter "The Mayor" Feletto reminding constantly his playing companions that he is "giving up this fucking game". There is, we are told, some decent golf being played, too, though that aspect is often a secondary, if not a tertiary, concern. Just ask Guy "Dynamo" Wolframe, but don't hold your breath waiting for him to offer a wordy reply because you will suffocate.

To fuel the anticipation, we take this opportunity to announce that the Second Annual Men's Night Draft Dinner is scheduled for 6:00 p.m. on Wednesday, April 14, 2010 (Note the change in the date from April 7), at which time the teams for the 2010 Men's Night programme will be selected. Please make arrangements to attend this event so that you might exert whatever undue influence possible upon the individuals who have been entrusted to draft the teams. In furtherance of this goal, we offer this summary of the format, in the unlikely event that your golf game is such that you have wiped all traces of the 2009 season from your cerebral cortex:

1. Six (6) teams will be drafted. In this regard, there is no change from last year, though one might hope that the team names prove to be as equally colourful and as descriptive as the names employed in 2009.

2. Each of these six (6) teams will have as its Captain one of the six (6) individuals who had the best weekly attendance record during the 2009 Men's Night programme, to wit: Barry "The Buffet" Buffington (19 of 19), Les "Not More" Swan (19 of 19), Barry "Beanshave" Caland (18 of 19), Bob "Four Eyes" McEwan (18 of 19), "Bagger Vance" Overacker (18 of 19), and Ron "Rooster" Rost (18 of 19). Last year, the Captains were chosen on the basis of lowest handicaps, which is a wonderful concept assuming that one's Captain actually showed up to play weekly. No names, such as Brian "Weasel" MacIvor's, need be mentioned in this regard. 

3. The draft will be conducted using what is referred to informally as the "snaking" method (uh, not an anatomical reference, by the way), such that the Captain with the "worst" attendance percentage, but apparently with the most visible vehicle and highest-profile parking spot (i.e., Ron "Rooster" Rost), will have the first pick in the odd-numbered rounds and the last pick in the even-numbered rounds. The order of selection by the remaining Captains will follow the same approach. These six (6) enthusiastic, though not necessarily qualified, Captains have already accepted the responsibility of subjecting themselves to the heckling, guffaws, and jeers accompanying their respective roles and have also confirmed their attendance. Let the bribery commence! "Bagger Vance" Overacker has asked, however, that none of his clients withdraw funds from their RRSPs for this purpose, given that it will reduce his annual trailer commissions.

4.  Each of these six (6) Captains will draft his own team from and among the REGISTERED (i.e., which is defined as "pay your $190 entry fee, plus 5% GST or, if you register after May 1st, plus 13% HST") participants (i.e., sandbaggers, low-lifes, liars, drunkards, and cheats) customarily found loitering at the golf course between the hours of 1 p.m. and 8 p.m. each and every Wednesday.

5. The season will consist of twenty (20) consecutive weeks, including a championship playoff. This schedule will offer enough time to allow for the usual hatred of one's Captain and fellow teammates to fester in due course.

We hope that you will adjust your social calendar to permit attendance on Wednesday, April 14, 2010 (Note the change in the date from April 7). In the event that your social schedule entails a conflicting event or similar lame excuse for non-attendance, please advise Matt Simmons that you plan nonetheless to register for the 2010 Men's Night programme. This notification will ensure that your name is included among the list of potential draftees, losers, and reprobates.

The next meeting of the Members' Committee representatives will be held on Tuesday, March 16, 2010. If you have any (useful) suggestions or (cogent) comments concerning the 2010 Men's Night programme, please contact the Members' Committee via e-mail at committee@whitewatergolf.com.

That is all.