Greetings, all.

This week's sponsor, Greg "The Butler" Jarvis of Smith & Associates Insurance Ltd., "insured" (Editor's Note: *groan*) that there would be great weather for this particular Men's Night and this meteorological prognostication proved to be accurate. The pleasant conditions also proved to be no "liability" (Editor's Note: Okay, drop the blatant insurance puns) to good attendance and, thus, this week's Men's Night enjoyed a season-high turnout of 56 of the 72 registered participants. We are, of course, sorely reminded that the golf season in Northwestern Ontario is a short one at the best of times. Despite the abbreviated period afforded this region in which to play golf, we are reminded on occasion that there are still those who refuse to venture onto the course if there is one cumulus nimbus cloud in the sky (Rick "Nutsy" Lauder and Jerry "Fussy" Smith, please step forward). At the same time, there are those golf addicts who will play golf during a torrential downpour (the "Bromance" pairing of Mark "Smurf" Colosimo and Brian "Weasel" MacIvor comes to mind in this regard).

Though the weather co-operated, the scores were not reflective of the favourable conditions. Ron "Sad Sack" Saddington (gross 74, net 66) and Clint "Slick" Harris (gross 77, net 72) posted the week's lowest rounds, though many attributed their respective performances to the fact that each is accustomed to being on the "hot seat", which might explain their choice of asbestos as the fabric for their underwear. We exclude any mention of Barry "Beanshave" Caland's stellar score (gross 69, net 69), given that he is always full of hot air, even during the winter months.

While still on the subject of "hot" (Editor's Note: Apparently Matt has acquired the nickname "Muffin" courtesy of the women who play on Ladies' Night), Director of Golf Matt "Call Me Matthew" Simmons conducted a "Four-man Blind Net" to award the evening's score-based prizes. The winners were as follows:

1. John "Coops" Coupland, Don "Key-Ho" Kehoe, Grant "Stats" Meikle, and Jerry "Fussy" Smith (292). Don, having celebrated his 60th birthday earlier this year, explains that his age permits him to play from the White tee boxes, though he has done so for the last 10 years. Don is presently campaigning for the construction of a fifth tee box on each hole that is located adjacent to the 150-yard marker.

2. Paul "Waste O'Height" Fitzpatrick, Brian "Weasel" MacIvor, Rob "Foundation" Paterson, and Larry "Sandman" Watral (299). This foursome could also serve as the answer to the question, "Who are the four heaviest guys at the club?"

3. Rick "Chompers" DiCasmirro, Gary "Shakey" Littlefield, "Bagger Vance" Overacker, and Norm "Buy-Sell" Tempelman (301). Rick's new sideburns allowed many to conclude that Elvis Presley had risen from his crypt and was walking towards the podium to collect a prize.

4. Colin "Inkstain" Bruce, Charlie "Ayatollah" Ihantola, Ron "Crash" Marostica, and Ron "Sad Sack" Saddington (302). Colin shot (gross 99, net 82) the equivalent of the outside temperature measured in degrees Fahrenheit, which might explain why he cannot play golf in November.

The prize for each "Closest to the Hole" competition was a $20 gift certificate, save an except for Forest 8, which for some unknown and arbitrary reason offered a $50 gift certificate, a sleeve of balls, an umbrella, and two golf caps. The winners were as follows:

Forest 5 - Gary "Shakey" Littlefield, who also won this prize for the same hole last week. We trust that Gary had not simply left his ball on the green from last week, though.  

Forest 8 - Len "Beanie" Arbour, who graciously waved the extra swag afforded this hole before those sitting at his table for dinner. This gesture was almost as annoying as ... oh, say ... playing 18 holes with Steve "Boo Boo" Melnik. 

River 4 - John "Coops" Coupland, who did not see the ball: (a) come off the face of his club; (b) while in the air; or (c) land on the green. None of these events prevented him from commenting as follows, "That WAS a nice shot, eh?".

River 6 - Ron "Sad Sack" Saddington, who almost cracked a smile upon hearing his name announced as the winner. Uh, almost. 

This week also offered another "Closest to the Line" contest, which was held on Forest 1. "Bagger Vance" Overacker, who had not won a prize for ... oh, my goodness ... the past two weeks, ran to the podium and then raced to his car before he was pelted with various dinner rolls and buns tossed by those in attendance.

The "random draw" prizes were won as follows:

1. Barry "The Buffet" Buffington, who collected a $50 gift certificate, a sleeve of balls, an umbrella, and two golf caps. Everyone was noticeably jealous, except Len "Beanie" Arbour for obvious reasons.

2. Don "Key-Ho" Kehoe, who won a pair of FootJoy MyJoys golf shoes. He chose a white pair, which will match the tee boxes from which he plays the game. Unfortunately, these shoes do not offer a style in the colour red.

3. Steve "Boo Boo" Melnik, who won a hockey glove head cover. It might have been preferable if he had won a hockey mask that he could wear while at the club.

That is all.