In their 1624 play, "A Wife for a Month," Francis Beaumont and John Fletcher wrote that "March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb". Granted, Messrs Beaumont and Fletcher lived during an era known as the "Little Ice Age," so they experienced first-hand the meteorological clash that occurs as winter becomes spring. Now, at this stage, one might be asking oneself, "What the fuck does this preamble have to do with golf?" We know that some of you might be asking this question because neither Beaumont nor Fletcher appears to typify the masculine soul who enjoys playing golf. They were, apparently, too busy writing plays in an attempt to become the heir apparent to William "Call me Bill" Shakespeare (1564 - 1616).

Well, we were reminded of the reverse (i.e., "comes in like a lamb and goes out like a lion") of this familiar saying when we reflected on this past year. The golf season began meekly and, forgive the pun, sheepishly for two (2) reasons. First, there was considerable reluctance on the part of many members to embrace the new Men's Night format that was jointly proposed by the Members' Committee and Whitewater Golf Club's management and subsequently announced in late March 2008. Club proprietor Silvio "God" Di Gregorio's e-mail inbox immediately thereafter lit up like a video arcade with the contrary views and opinions expressed by members who were most sceptical about the proposed format change, particularly the 2:00 p.m. shotgun start and the after-round buffet dinner. Second, the inclement weather experienced by this region in May, June, and early July did not lend itself to the full and customary enjoyment of an already-too-short golf season. Both factors suggested that the club's 2008 golf season was doomed, akin to a lamb being led to slaughter.

Fortunately, we are pleased to report that, like the lion boasting of its captured prey, the golf season finished with a roar. The Men's Night format enjoyed overwhelming success, glowing reviews, and fantastic sponsorships. In this latter regard, we are most appreciative of the example set by Murray "Wally" Walberg and Shawn "Churn" Kunnas, of RBC Royal Bank and RBC Dominion Securities, respectively (sometimes collectively described as the "RBC Financial Group"). RBC Financial Group had already served as a weekly sponsor on June 11 during Season 1, yet was gracious enough to agree to act as a sponsor for the finale of Season 2. On the latter occasion, this generosity was not limited to the usual $500 contribution to the prize pool. When Murray learned that the season-long putting contest had been (surprisingly) won the week prior, he agreed to donate an additional $500 for this purpose. This was a grand gesture of support for the club. Bravo, Murray. Now, for those readers who have yet to grasp the underlying theme, Royal Bank of Canada's corporate logo is, in fact, a golden lion clutching what is supposed to be a globe, but could broadly represent, for our purposes, a golf ball. (Triples all 'round, bartender, for the completion of the literary full-circle metaphor.)

Here is a summary of the weekly results. The format adopted by Head Professional Matt Simmons for the final Men's Night was a "Three-man Blind Net," which replaced the usual "Two-man Blind Net". For those unfamiliar with complex mathematics, this format change represented a fifty (50%) percent improvement, if for no other reason than three (3), as opposed to two (2), players were placed into a group. The use of this format also disguised the fact that the "Two-man Blind Net" routine was becoming as tiresome as ... oh, say ... hearing Barry "Beanshave" Caland's name announced at the podium as the winner of some such category or other.

Oops ... we spoke too soon. The winners (net 218) of the "Three-man Blind Net" were .... wait for it ... Barry Caland, Jim "Needles" Lysak, and guest Carl "Not Too" Sharp. Each received a $45 gift certificate, though it is unfortunate for Jim that the Pro Shop has not yet decided to sell insulin. Jim considered asking for a gift certificate that could be used in the dining lounge, but then realised that the bar never stocks his usual beverage choice, Diet Water.

Second place (net 219) was secured by Peter "Bucks" Buset, Dave "Wheels" Lambert, and Ron "Sad Sack" Saddington. Each received a $40 gift certificate, though it is unfortunate for Ron that the Pro Shop has not yet decided to sell cigarettes. Ron, as the CEO of the Thunder Bay Regional Hospital, promotes the need for his employer's services in the same manner that a professional hockey player might promote the need for a dentist.

Speaking of dentistry, third place (net 222) was attained by Dr. Jerry "Fussy" Smith, John "Coops" Coupland, and Ron "Crash" Marostica. Each received a $35 gift certificate, though it is unfortunate for Jerry that the Pro Shop does not sell products manufactured by Hermes (uh, which is pronounced "air-mez" and not "her-mees", which does not explain why the company's first choice of corporate name, Herpes, failed to win public approval).

Wayne "Iron Chef" Mitsunaga won the putting contest and received a $500 gift certificate. His successful effort was preceded by forty-one (41) less fortunate attempts. Wayne might have applied the proceeds represented by the gift certificate towards the purchase of a new driver, if ... oh, say ... he had not purchased a new driver two (2) days earlier. Perhaps Wayne might consider a bulk purchase of golf tees, so that he may more easily complete his arduous personal task of "mapping out" the contours, slopes, and undulations of the Whitewater greens.

The nine-week Season 2 was won by Team 1, which should come as no surprise, given that Team 1 also won handily the nine-week Season 1. Congratulations are extended to the members of Team 1, who not only played well enough to win, but also participated weekly (69% attendance) in great numbers, to wit: Silvio "God" Di Gregorio (Captain), Mike "Twigs" Auld, Barry "The Buffet" Buffington, Barry "Beanshave" Caland, Larry "Plumber" Craig, Barney "Mr. X" De Sousa, Ed "Kamikaze" Hoshizaki, Jeff "Oxy" Jacobson, Kelly "Logo" Mallon, Rob "Pokey" Nash, "Bagger Vance" Overacker, Ron "Froggy" Poirier, Dale "Not Dan or Darrin" Poulin, Gary "Prince" Sherban, Dan "Not Dave" Stezenko, and Geoff "Sully" Sullivan.

Next year, the Men's Night programme will hold a dinner gathering in early April 2009 to draft members for six (6) teams, as opposed to the random establishment of the four (4) teams that were used during this past season. The proposed captains, based on the six (6) lowest handicap finishers for 2008, are as follows: Barry "Beanshave" Caland, Mark "Smurf" Colosimo, Don "Key-Ho" Kehoe, Brian "Weasel" MacIvor, Steve "The Amazing" Melnik, and Dave "Not Dan" Stezenko.

Finally, astute and regular readers might have noticed that Barry Caland's nickname has changed from "Ponytail" to "Beanshave," and for good reason. Barry's locks were shorn by Cliff "Santa" Friesen as part of the former's efforts (and the latter's renowned strong-arm charitable tactics) to raise funds for the Northern Cancer Research Foundation. We are pleased to report that the modest goal of $1,000 was exceeded by ... er, um ... a tidy sum of $4,300 for a total donation of $5,300. Well done. Barry does not, however, look any better with his pate shaved bald, probably for the same reason that a pig's appearance does not improve if it wears lipstick.

That is all.